December 24, Every Year

'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
The family was hoping for a
One-button, multi-click mouse.

The children were asleep, it had been a big day
Dreams of sweet Wi-Fi were headed their way.
I with my earbuds, Momma with her Mac
Were dog tired and soon hit the rack.

Out on the lawn, I heard such a clatter
I arose to find Steve Jobs stealing my ladder.
The turtleneck was black, that much was true
I was hoping he carried something brand new.

The moon was crisp on that winter day
Steve Jobs was lit in a most flattering way.
I cast my eyes up, I cast my eyes wide
I noticed that Steve Wozniak was also outside.

The balding little tyrant got started right quick
Calling out underlings, a sneer on his lip.
More stylish, he said, than one draws flies
Make it perfect my friend, Jonathan Ive!

Now programmers, now Intel, now LCD supplier,
Don't make me wish you all died in a fire!
We make product, we ship it on time,
One more leak and you'll be buried in lime!

He jumped in the room, no bag in his hand
I silently thought the gifts would be bland.
His manner was confident, some would say brash
He opened my wallet and lifted the cash.

He started throwing nanos and downloads, I swear
He argued that iTunes DRM was quite fair.
It can't get better or so it would seem,
Then "one more thing," an iPod, widescreen.

I asked about an iPhone, but he didn't speak.
He jumped in a Beamer, inlaid with teak.
The tires squealed as I heard him call,
"Visit the Apple store at your local Mall!